Sans Scorn

My heart is trickling
With the potential to flood, overflow
I dammed it (damned it?) long ago
I feel feelings tickling
And consider leaving behind
One who would convince me that this is
The appropriate way to appropriate my love
To compress rather than express it
Expectations, boundaries, lines drawn ~
Equated to control, forbidden in my mind

Sweet water need not be stoppered
It could be channeled, allowed to course
Breakers and walls and gates cannot hold me!
They cannot caress me or make me feel
Whole by force

There is a division within, without, and I struggle
To tear it apart alone ‘til it is
No more

I must decide and the deciding is heavy
A pressure built up over time and time and time
But perhaps now it’s time to betray the levee
Duly raised and supported by my own design

The judgment feels final, like I will rinse away
Any potential love I’ve cradled for so long
And this One who halts me will be drowned
Unable to withstand the force of my waves ~
Waves made of fire: washing and scorching,
Dousing and igniting in a blazing instant

Crashing waves, welcome through every realm
Except in the chambers of One where they are
Feared, trampled before beginning, weeded,
Starved, told with eyes I will never
Amount to much

Oh, how wrong that One will be proven!
Solitary, divided, apart alone, torn
And ‘though I’ll not yield, I will gently kneel
Offer my hand and whisper, “I’ve won”
(Sans scorn)

~ ESG (10/4/18)

IMG_20171109_202201_781.jpg(Golden Honey Locus Trees in New Haven, CT)